Ergonomic Logic

Goodnight Anti-Christ, wherever you are.

2011-05-06T14:41:00.001-05:00

According to Dr. Harold Camping the world's end begins on May 21, 2011. Osama bin Laden was killed 66 years to the day after Adolf Hitler committed suicide. And in the words of Meatloaf, "two outta three (66%) ain't bad." Among other interest is how another historical figure, our President, has a similar last name as bin Laden's first name. This really must drive "freelance" prophets nuts. Finally after all those centuries we determined that Nostradamus was clearly writing about the twin towers and 9/11 in his predictions. NOW we have to figure out whether his vision was slightly smudged due to a dream cataract. Was it a B or an S he saw as the second letter in the name of the Anti-Christ? I propose it was both, BS.

If you can believe it, I propose that the final head of the Anti-Christ trilogy is Bob Segar. In the pool hall the hustlers and the losers used to watch him through the glass. Little did they suspect that one day he would mature into a tool for Satan's final attempt to overthrow YHWH. The signs have been there for years, how blind could society be? If only something was done after he declared himself a ramblin gamblin man, or "RGM". In military parlance, RGM refers to "radar guided missile". I think we can all agree that Bob Segar sees himself as a weapon and given the other evidence it's conclusive who fired that missile and that it's headed straight for our existence.

It's not too late. Currently I am stockpiling belongings and property, and yes instruments of title for the poor non-believers who will be left behind following May 21, 2011. Please donate whatever you have to me and I will be sure it is left out in the open for the remaining population to share and survive on until they can come to accept Christ before the final battle. Also, please email for information on how to fill out quit claim deeds. God Bless.

Today's light reading: The Magna Carta

2010-03-28T19:17:00.001-05:00

Johannes del gracia rex Anglie, dominus Hibernie, dux Normannie, Aquitannie et comes Andegavie, archiepiscopis, episcopis, abbatibus, comitibus, baronibus, justiciariis, forestariis, vicecomitibus, prepositis, ministris et omnibus ballivis et fidelibus suis salutem.

Sciatis nos intuitu Dei et pro salute anime nostre et omnium antecessorum et heredum nostrorum ad honorem Dei et exaltacionem sancte Ecclesie, et emendacionem regni nostri, per consilium venerabilium patrum nostrorum, Stephani Cantuariensis archiepiscopi tocius Anglie primatis et sancte Romane ecclesie cardinalis, Henrici Dublinensis archiepiscopi, Willelmi Londoniensis, Petri Wintoniensis, Joscelini Bathoniensis et Glastoniensis, Hugonis Lincolniensis, Walteri Wygorniensis, Willelmi Coventrensis, et Benedicti Roffensis, episcoporum; magistri Pandulfi domini pape subdiaconi et familiaris, fratris Aymerici magistri milicie Templi in Anglia; et nobilium virorum Willelmi Mariscalli comitis Penbrocie, Willelmi comitis Sarrisberie, Willelmi comitis Warennie, Willelmi comitis Arundellie, Alani de Galeweya constabularii Scocie, Warini filii Geroldi, Petri filii Hereberti, Huberti de Burgo senescalli Pictavie, Hugonis de Nevilla, Mathei filli Hereberti, Thome Basset, Alani Basset, Philippi de Albiniaco, Roberti de Roppel', Johannis Mariscalli, Johannis filii Hugonis et aliorum fidelium nostrorum:

In primis concessisse Deo et hac presenti carta nostra confirmasse, pro nobis et heredibus nostris in perpetuum, quod Anglicana ecclesie libera sit, et habeat jura sua integra, et libertates suas illesas; et ita volumus observari; quod apparet ex eo quod libertatem electionum, que maxima et magis necessaria reputatur ecclesie Anglicane, mera et spontanea voluntate, ante discordiam inter nos et barones nostros motam, concessimus et carta nostra confirmavimus, et eam obtinuimus a domino papa Innocentio tercio confirmari; quam et nos observabimus et ab heredibus nostris in perpetuum bona fide volumus observari.

Concessimus eciam omnibus liberis hominibus regni nostri, pro nobis et heredibus nostris in perpetuum, omnes libertates subscriptas, habendas et tenendas eis et heredibus suis, de nobis et heredibus nostris.
Si quis comitum vel baronum nostrorum, sive aliorum tenencium de nobis in capite per servicium militare, mortuus fuerit, et cum decesserit heres suus plene etatis fuerit et relevium debeat, habeat hereditatem suam per antiquum relevium; scilicet heres vel heredes comitis de baronia comitis integra per centum libras; heres veI heredes baronis de baronia integra per centum libras; heres vel heredes militis de feodo militis integro per centum solidos ad plus; et qui minus debuerit minus det secundum antiquam consuetudinem feodorum. [Articles, section 1; 1225, section 2.]
Si autem heres alicujus talium fuerit infra etatem et fuerit in custodia, cum ad etatem pervenerit, habeat hereditatem suam sine relevio et sine fine. [Articles, section 2; 1225, section 3.]
Custos terre hujusmodi heredis qui infra etatem fuerit, non capiat de terra heredis nisi racionabiles exitus, et racionabiles consuetudines, et racionabilia servicia, et hoc sine destructione et vasto hominum vel rerum; et si nos commiserimus custodiam alicujus talis terre vicecomiti vel alicui alii qui de exitibus illius nobis respondere debeat, et ille destructionem de custodia fecerit veI vastum, nos ab illo capiemus emendam, et terra committatur duobus legalibus et discretis hominibus de feodo illo, qui de exitibus respondeant nobis vel ei cui eos assignaverimus; et si dederimus vel vendiderimus alicui custodiam alicujus talis terre, et ille destructionem inde fecerit vel vastum, amittat ipsam custodiam, et tradatur duobus legalibus et discretis hominibus de feodo illo qui similiter nobis respondeant sicut predictum est. [Articles, section 3; 1225, section 4.]
Custos autem, quamdiu custodiam terre habuerit, sustentet domos, parcos, vivaria, stagna, molendina, et cetera ad terram illam pertinencia, de exitibus terre ejusdem; et reddat heredi cum ad plenam etatem pervenerit, terram suam totam instauratam de carucis et waynagiis, secundum quod tempus waynagii exiget et exitus terre racionabiliter poterunt sustinere. [Articles, section 3, 35; 1225, section 5.]
Heredes maritentur absque disparagacione, ita tamen quod, antequam contrahatur matrimonium, ostendatur propinquis de consanguinitate ipsius heredis. [Articles, section 3; 1225, section 6.]
Vidua post mortem mariti sui statim et sine difficultate habeat maritagium et hereditatem suam, nec aliquid det pro dote sua, vel pro maritagio suo, vel hereditate sua, quam hereditatem maritus suus et ipsa tenuerint die obitus ipsius mariti, et maneat in domo mariti sul per quadraginta dies post mortem ipsius, infra quos assignetur ei dos sua. [Articles, section 4; 1225, section 7.]
Nulla vidua distringatur ad se maritandum, dum voluerit vivere sine marito, ita tamen quod securitatem faciat quod se non maritabit sine assensu nostro, si de nobis tenuerit, vel sine assensu domini sui de quo tenuerit, si de alio tenuerit. [Articles, section 17; 1225, section 7.]
Nec nos nec ballivi nostri seisiemus terram aliquam nec redditum pro debito aliquo, quamdiu catalla debitoris sufficiunt ad debitum reddendum; nec plegii ipsius debitoris distringantur quamdiu ipse capitalis debitor sufficit ad solucionem debiti; et si capitalis debitor defecerit in solucione debiti, non habens unde solvat, plegii respondeant de debito; et si voluerint, habeant terras et redditus debitoris, donec sit eis satisfactum de debito quod ante pro eo solverint, nisi capitalis debitor monstraverit se esse quietum inde versus eosdem plegios. [Articles, section 5; 1225, section 8.]
Si quis mutuo ceperit aliquid a Judeis, plus vel minus, et moriatur antequam debitum illud solvatur, debitum non usuret quamdiu heres fuerit infra etatem, de quocumque teneat; et si debitum illud inciderit in manus nostras, nos non capiemus nisi catallum contentum in carta. [Articles, section 34.]
Et si quis moriatur, et debitum debeat Judeis, uxor ejus habeat dotem suam, et nichil reddat de debito illo, et si liberi ipsius defuncti qui fuerint infra etatem remanserint, provideantur eis necessaria secundum tenementum quod fuerit defuncti et de residuo solvatur debitum, salvo servicio dominorum; simili modo fiat de debitis que debentur aliis quaim Judeis. [Articles, section 35.]
Nullum scutagium vel auxilium ponatur in regno nostro, nisi per commune consilium regni nostri, nisi ad corpus nostrum redimendum, et primogenitum filium nostrum militem faciendum, et ad filiam nostram primogenitam semel maritandam, et ad hec non fiat nisi racionabile auxilium; simili modo fiat de auxiliis de civitate Londoniarum. [Articles, section 32.]
Et civitas Londoniarum habeat omnes antiquas libertates et liberas consuetudines suas, tam per terras quam per aquas. Preterea volumus et concedimus quod omnes alie civitates, et burgi, et ville, et portus, habeant omnes libertates et liberas consuetudines suas. [Articles, section 32; 1225, section 9.]
Et ad habendum commune consilium regni de auxilio assidendo aliter quam in tribus casibus predictis, vel de scutagio assidendo, summoneri faciemus archiepiscopos, episcopos, abbates, comites, et majores barones sigillatim per litteras nostras; et preterea faciemus summoneri in generali per vicecomites et ballivos nostros omnes illos qui de nobis tenent in capite ad certum diem, scilicet ad terminum quadraginta dierum ad minus, et ad certum locum; et in omnibus litteris illius summonicionis causam summonicionis exprimemus; et sic facta summonicione negocium ad diem assignatum procedat secundum consilium illorum qui presentes fuerint, quamvis non omnes summoniti venerint.
Nos non concedemus de cetero alicui quod capiat auxilium de liberis hominibus suis, nisi ad corpus suum redimendum, et ad faciendum primogenitum filium suum militem, et ad primogenitam filiam suam semel maritandam, et ad hec non fiat nisi racionabile auxilium. [Articles, section 6.]
Nullus distringatur ad faciendum majus servicium de feodo militis, nec de alio libero tenemento, quam inde debetur. [Articles, section 7; 1225, section 10.]
Communia placita non sequantur curiam nostram, set teneantur in aliquo loco certo. [Articles, section 8; 1225, section 11.]
Recogniciones de nova disseisina, de morte antecessoris, et de ultima presentacione, non capiantur nisi in suis comitatibus et hoc modo; nos, vel si extra regnum fuerimus capitalis justiciarius noster, mittemus duos justiciarios per unumquemque comitatum per quatuor vices in anno, qui, cum quatuor militibus cujuslibet comitatus electis per comitatum, capiant in comitatu et in die et loco comitatus assisas predictas. [Articles, section 8; 1225, section 12.]
Et si in die comitatus assise predicte capi non possint, tot milites et libere tenentes remaneant de illis qui interfuerint comitatui die illo, per quos possint judicia sufficienter fieri, secundum quod negocium fuerit majus vel minus. [Articles, section 13.]
Liber homo non amercietur pro parvo delicto, nisi secundum modum delicti; et pro magno delicto amercietur secundum magnitudinem delicti, salvo contenemento suo; et mercator eodem modo, salva mercandisa sua; et villanus eodem modo amercietur salvo waynagio suo; si inciderint in misericordiam nostram; et nulla predictarum misericordiarum ponatur, nisi per sacramentum proborum hominum de visneto. [Articles, section 9; 1225, section 14.]

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Comites et barones non amercientur nisi per pares suos, et non nisi secundum modum delicti. [1225, section 14.]
Nullus clericus amercietur de laico tenemento suo, nisi secundum modum aliorum predictorum, et non secundum quantitatem beneficii sul ecclesiastici. [Articles, section 10; 1225, section 14.]
Nec villa nec homo distringatur facere pontes ad riparias, nisi qui ab antiquo et de jure facere debent. [Articles, section 11; 1225, section 15.]
Nullus vicecomes, constabularius, coronatores, vel alii ballivi nostri, teneant placita corone nostre. [Articles, section 14; 1225 section 17.]
Omnes comitatus, hundredi, wapentakii, et trethingi sint ad antiquas firmas absque ullo incremento, exceptis dominicis maneriis nostris. [Articles, section 14.]
Si aliquis tenens de nobis laicum feodum moriatur, et vicecomes vel ballivus noster ostendat litteras nostras patentes de summonicione nostra de debito quod defunctus nobis debuit, liceat vicecomiti vel ballivo nostro attachiare et inbreviare catalla defuncti inventa in laico feodo, ad valenciam illius debiti, per visum legallum hominum, ita tamen quod nichil inde amoveatur, donec persolvatur nobis debitum quod clarum fuerit, et residuum relinquatur executoribus ad faciendum testamentum defuncti; et si nichil nobis debeatur ab ipso, omnia catalla cedant defuncto, salvis uxori ipsius et pueris racionabilibus partibus suis. [Articles, section 15; 1225, section 18.]
Si aliquis liber homo intestatus decesserit, catalla sua per manus propinquorum parentum et amicorum suorum, per visum ecclesie, distribuantur, salvis unicuique debitis que defunctus el debebat. [Articles, section 16.]
Nullus constabularius, vel alius ballivus noster, capiat blada vel alia catalla allcujus, nisi statim inde reddat denarios, aut respectum inde habere possit de voluntate venditoris. [Articles, section 18; 1225, section 19.]
Nullus constabularius distringat aliquem militem ad dandum denarios pro custodia castri, si facere voluerit custodiam illam in propria persona sua, vel per alium probum hominem, si ipse eam facere non possit propter racionabilem causam; et si nos duxerimus vel miserimus eum in exercitum, erit quietus de custodia, secundum quantitatem temporis quo per nos fuerit in exercitu. [Articles, section 19; 1225, section 20.]
Nullus vicecomes, vel ballivus noster, vel aliquis alius, capiat equos vel carettas allcujus liberi hominis pro cariagio faciendo, nisi de voluntate ipsius liberi hominis. [Articles, section 20; 1225, section 21.]
Nec nos nec ballivi nostri capiemus alienum boscum ad castra vel alia agenda nostra, nisi per voluntatem ipsius cujus boscus ille fuerit. [Articles, section 21; 1225, section 21.]
Nos non tenebimus terras illorum qui convicti fuerint de felonia, nisi per unum annum et unum diem, et tunc reddantur terre dominis feodorum. [Articles, section 22; 1225, section 22.]
Omnes kidelli de cetero deponantur penitus de Tamisia, et de Medewaye, et per totam Angliam, nisi per costeram maris. [Articles, section 23; 1225, section 23.]
Breve quod vocatur 'Precipe' de cetero non fiat alicui de aliquo tenemento unde liber homo amittere possit curiam suam. [Articles, section 24; 1225, section 24.]
Una mensura vini sit per totum regnum nostrum, et una mensura cervisie, et una mensura bladi, scilicet quarterium Londoniense, et una latitudo pannorum tinctorum et russetorum et halbergettorum, scilicet due ulne infra listas; de ponderibus autem sit ut de mensuris. [Articles, section 12; 1225, section 25.]
Nichil detur vel capiatur de cetero pro brevi inquisicionis de vita vel membris, set gratis concedatur et non negetur. [Articles, section 26; 1225, section 26.]
Si aliquis teneat de nobis per feodifirmam, vel per sokagium, vel per burgagium, et de alio terram, teneat per servicium militare, nos non habebimus custodiam heredis nec terre sue que est de feodo alterius occasione illius feodifirme, vel sokagii, vel burgagii; nec habebimus custodiam illius feodifirme, vel sokagii, vel burgagii, nisi ipsa feodifirma debeat servicium militare. Nos non habebimus custodiam heredis vel terre alicujus, quam tenet de alio per servicium militare, occasione alicujus parve serjanterie quam tenet de nobis per servicium reddendi nobis cultellos, vel sagittas, vel hujusmodi. [Articles, section 27; 1225, section 27.]
Nullus ballivus ponat decetero aliquem ad legem simplici loquela sua, sine testibus fidelibus ad hoc inductis. [Articles, section 28; 1225, section 28.]
Nullus liber homo capiatur, vel imprisonetur, aut disseisiatur, aut utlagetur, aut exuletur, aut aliquo modo destruatur, nec super cum ibimus, nec super cum mittemus, nisi per legale judicium parium suorum vel per legem terre. [Articles, section 29; 1225, section 29.]

Nulli vendemus, nulli negabimus aut differemus rectum aut justiciam. [Articles, section 30; 1225 section 29.]
Omnes mercatores habeant salvum et securum exire de Anglia, et venire in Angliam, et morari, et ire per Angliam, tam per terram quam per aquam, ad emendum et vendendum, sine omnibus malis toltis, per antiquas et rectas consuetudines, preterquam in tempore gwerre, et si sint de terra contra nos gwerrina; et si tales inveniantur in terra nostra in principio gwerre, attachientur sine dampno corporum et rerum, donec sciatur a nobis vel capitali justiciario nostro quomodo mercatores terre nostre tractentur, qui tunc invenientur in terra contra nos gwerrina; et si nostri salvi sint ibi, alii salvi sint in terra nostra. [Articles, section 31; 1225, section 30.]
Liceat unicuique decetero exire de regno nostro, et redire, salvo et secure, per terram et per aquam, salva fide nostra, nisi tempore gwerre per aliquod breve tempus, propter communem utilitatem regni, exceptis imprisonatis et utlagatis secundum legem regni, et gente de terra contra nos gwerrina, et mercatoribus, de quibus fiat sicut predictum est. [Articles, section 33.]
Si quis tenuerit de aliqua eskaeta, sicut de honore Wallingefordie, Notingeham, Bolonie, Lancastrie, vel de aliis eskaetis que sunt in manu nostra et sunt baronie, et obierit, heres ejus non det aliud relevium, nec faciat nobis aliud servicium quam faceret baroni si baronia illa esset in manu baronis; et nos eodem modo eam tenebimus quo baro eam tenuit. [Articles, section 36; 1225, section 31.]
Homines qui manent extra forestam non veniant decetero coram justiciariis nostris de foresta per communes summoniciones, nisi sint in placito, vel plegii alicujus vel aliquorum, qui attachiati sint pro foresta. [Articles, section 39]
Nos non faciemus justiciarios, constabularios, vicecomites, vel ballivos, nisi de talibus qui sciant legem regni et eam bene velint observare. [Articles, section 42.]
Omnes barones qui fundaverunt abbacias, unde habent cartas regum Anglie, vel antiquam tenuram, habeant earum custodiam cum vacaverint, sicut habere debent. [Articles, section 43; 1225, section 33.]
Omnes foreste que afforestate sunt tempore nostro, statim deafforestentur; et ita fiat de ripariis que per nos tempore nostro posite sunt in defenso. [Articles, section 47; 1225 section 16]
Omnes male consuetudines, de forestis et warennis, et de forestariis et warennariis, vicecomitibus et eorum ministris, ripariis et earum custodibus, statim inquirantur in quolibet comitatu per duodecim milites, juratos de eodem comitatu, qui debent eligi per probos homines ejusdem comitatus, et infra quadraginta dies post inquisicionem factam, penitus, ita quod numquam revocentur, deleantur (per eosdem, ita quod nos hoc sciamus prius, vel justiciarius noster, si in Anglia non fuerimus).[1] [Articles, section 39.]
Omnes obsides, et cartas statim reddemus, que liberate fuerunt nobis ab Anglicis in securitatem pacis vel fidelis servicii. [Articles, section 38.]
Nos amovebimus penitus de balliis, parentes Gerardi de Athyes, quod decetero nullam habeant balliam in Anglia, Engelardum de Cygony, Petrum et Gionem et Andream de Cancellis, Gionem de Cygony, Galfridum de Martinny et fratres ejus, Philippum Marc et fratres ejus, et Galfridum nepotem ejus, et totam sequelam eorundem. [Articles, section 40.]
Et statim post pacis reformacionem amovebimus de regno omnes alienigenas milites, balistarios, servientes, stipendiarios, qui venerint cum equis et armis ad nocumentum regni. [Articles, section 41.]
Si quis fuerit disseisitus vel elongatus per nos sine legali judicio parium suorum de terris, castellis, libertatibus, vel jure suo, statim ea ei restituemus; et si contencio super hoc orta fuerit, tunc inde fiat per judicium viginti quinque baronum, de quibus fit mencio inferius in securitate pacis. De omnibus autem illis de quibus aliquis disseisitus fuerit vel elongatus sine legali judicio parium suorum, per Henricum regem patrem nostrum vel per Ricardum regem fratrem nostrum, que in manu nostra habemus, vel que alii tenent, que nos oporteat warantizare, respectum habebimus usque ad communem terminum crucesignatorum, exceptis illis de quibus placitum motum fuit vel inquisicio facta per preceptum nostrum ante suscepcionem crucis nostre; cum autem redierimus de peregrinacione nostra, vel si forte remanserimus a peregrinacione nostra, statim inde plenam justiciam exhibebimus. [Articles, section 25.]

Eundem autem respectum habebimus (et eodem modo de justicia exhibenda),[1] de forestis deafforestandis (vel remansuris forestis)[1] quas Henricus pater noster vel Ricardus frater noster afforestaverunt, et de custodiis terrarum que sunt de alieno feodo, cujusmodi custodias hucusque habuimus occasione feodi quod aliquis de nobis tenuit per servicium militare, et de abbaciis que fundate fuerint in feodo alterius quam nostro, in quibus dominus feodi dixerit se jus habere; et cum redierimus, vel si remanserimus a peregrinacione nostra, super hiis conquerentibus plenam justiciam statim exhibebimus.
Nullus capiatur nec imprisonetur propter appellum femine de morte alterius quam viri sui. [1225, section 34.]
Omnes fines qui injuste et contra legem terre facti sunt nobiscum, et omnia amerciamenta facta injuste et contra legem terre, omnino condonentur, vel fiat inde perjudicium viginti quinque baronum de quibus fit mencio inferius in securitate pacis, vel per judicium majoris partis eorundem, una cum predicto Stephano Cantuariensi archiepiscopo si interesse poterit et aliis quos secum ad hoc vocare voluerit. Et si interesse non poterit, nichilominus procedat negocium sine eo, ita quod, si aliquis vel aliqui de predictis viginti quinque baronibus fuerint in simili querela, amoveantur quantum ad hoc judicium et alii loco eorum per residuos de eisdem viginti quinque tantum ad hoc faciendum electi et jurati substituantur. [Articles, section 37.]
Si nos disseisivimus vel elongavimus Walenses de terris vel libertatibus vel rebus aliis, sine legali judicio parium suorum (in Anglia vel in Wallia),[2] eis statim reddantur; et si contencio super hoc orta fuerit, tunc inde fiat in Marchia per judicium parium suorum de tenementis Anglie secundum legem Anglie; de tenementis Wallie secundum legem Wallie; de tenementis Marchic secundum legem Marchie. Idem facient Walenses nobis et nostris. [Articles, section 44.]
De omnibus autem illis de quibus aliquis Walensium disseisitus fuerit vel elongatus, sine legali judicio parium suorum, per Henricum regem patrem nostrum vel Ricardum regem fratrem nostrum, que nos in manu nostra habemus, vel que alii tenent que nos oporteat warantizare, respectum habebimus usque ad communem terminum crucesignatorum, illis exceptis de quibus placitum motum fuit vel inquisicio facta per preceptum nostrum ante suscepcionem crucis nostre; cum autem redierimus, vel si forte remanscrimus a peregrinatione nostra, statim eis inde plenam justitiam exhibebimus, secundum leges Walensium et partes predictas. [Articles, section 44.]
Nos reddemus filium Lewelini statim, et omnes obsides de Wallia, et cartas que nobis liberate fuerunt in securitatem pacis. [Articles, section 45.]
Nos faciemus Alexandro regi Scottorum de sororibus suis et obsidibus reddendis, et libertatibus suis, et jure suo, secundum formam in qua faciemus aliis baronibus nostris Anglie, nisi aliter esse debeat per cartas quas habemus de Willelmo patre ipsius, quondam rege Scottorum; et hoc erit per judicium parium suorum in curia nostra. [Articles, section 46.]
Omnes autem istas consuetudines predictas et libertates quas nos concessimus in regno nostro tenendas quantum ad nos pertinet erga nostros, omnes de regno nostro, tam clerici quam laici, observent quantum ad se pertinet erga suos. [Articles, section 48; 1225, section 37]
Cum autem pro Deo, et ad emendacionem regni nostri, et ad melius sopiendum discordiam inter nos et barones nostros ortam, hec omnia predicta concesserimus, volentes ea integra et firma stabilitate (in perpetuum)[2] gaudere, facimus et concedimus eis securitatem subscriptam;

videlicet quod barones eligant viginti quinque barones de regno quos voluerint, qui debeant pro totis viribus suis observare, tenere, et facere observari, pacem et libertates quas cis concessimus, et hac presenti carta nostra confirmavimus; ita scilicet quod, si nos, vel justiciarius noster, vel ballivi nostri, vel aliquis de ministris nostris, in aliquo erga aliquem deliquerimus, vel aliquem articulorum pacis aut securitatis transgressi fuerimus, et delictum ostensum fuerit quatuor baronibus de predictis viginti quinque baronibus, illi quatuor barones accedant ad nos vel ad justiciarium nostrum, si fuerimus extra regnum, proponentes nobis excessum, petent ut excessum illum sine dilacione faciamus emendari.

Et si nos excessum non emendaverimus, vel, si fuerimus extra regnum, justiciarius noster non emendaverit infra tempus quadraginta dierum computandum a tempore quo monstratum fuerit nobis vel justiciario nostro, si extra regnum fuerimus, predicti quatuor barones referant causam illam ad residuos de illis viginti quinque baronibus, et illi viginti quinque barones cum communa tocius terre distringent et gravabunt nos modis omnibus quibus poterunt, scilicet per capcionem castrorum, terrarum, possessionum et aliis modis quibus poterunt, donec fuerit emendatum secundum arbitrium eorum, salva persona nostra et regine nostre et liberorum nostrorum; et cum fuerit emendatum intendent nobis sicut prius fecerunt.

Et quicumque voluerit de terra juret quod ad predicta omnia exequenda parebit mandatis predictorum viginti quinque baronum, et quod gravabit nos pro posse suo cum ipsis, et nos publice et libere damus licenciam jurandi cuilibet qui jurare voluerit, et nulli umquam jurare prohibebimus. Omnes autem illos de terra qui per se et sponte sua noluerint jurare viginti quinque baronibus de distringendo et gravando nos cum eis, faciemus jurare eosdem de mandato nostro sicut predictum est.

Et si aliquis de viginti quinque baronibus decesserit, vel a terra recesserit, vel aliquo alio modo impeditus fuerit, quominus ista predicta possent exequi, qui residui fuerint de predictis viginti quinque baronibus eligant alium loco ipsius, pro arbitrio suo, qui simili modo erit juratus quo et ceteri. In omnibus autem que istis viginti quinque baronibus committuntur exequenda, si forte ipsi viginti quinque presentes fuerint, et inter se super re aliqua discordaverint, vel aliqui ex eis summoniti nolint vel nequeant interesse, ratum habeatur et firmum quod major pars eorum qui presentes fuerint providerit vel preceperit ac si omnes viginti quinque in hoc consensissent;

et predicti viginti quinque jurent quod omnia antedicta fideliter observabunt, et pro toto posse suo facient observari.

Et nos nichil impetrabimus ab aliquo, per nos nec per alium, per quod aliqua istarum concessionum et libertatum revocetur vel minuatur; et, si aliquid tale impetratum fuerit, irritum sit et inane et numquam eo utemur per nos nec per alium. [Articles, section 49.]
Et omnes malas voluntates, indignaciones, et rancores, ortos inter nos et homines nostros, clericos et laicos, a tempore discordie, plene omnibus remisimus et condonavimus. Preterea omnes transgressiones factas occasione ejusdem discordie, a Pascha anno regni nostri sextodecimo usque ad pacem reformatam, plene remisimus omnibus, clericis et laicis, et quantum ad nos pertinet plene condonavimus. Et insuper fecimus eis fieri litteras testimoniales patentes domini Stephani Cantuariensis archiepiscopi, domini Henrici Dublinensis archiepiscopi, et episcoporum predictorum et magistri Pandulfi, super securitate ista et concessionibus prefatis.
Quare volumus et firmiter precipimus quod Anglicana ecclesia libera sit et quod homines in regno nostro habeant et teneant omnes prefatas libertates, Jura, et concessiones, bene et in pace, libere et quiete, plene et integre, sibi et heredibus suis, de nobis et heredibus nostris, in omnibus rebus et locis, in perpetuum, sicut predictum est. Juratum est autem tam ex parte nostra quam ex parte baronum, quod hec omnia supradicta bona fide et sine malo ingenio observabuntur. Testibus supradictis et multis aliis. Data per manum nostram in prato quod vocatur Ronimed inter Windlesoram et Stanes, quinto dccimo die Junii, anno regni nostri decimo septimo.

My Letter to General Electric

2008-02-15T22:00:00.000-06:00

After watching the advertisement below on TV I took action and sent them a letter on the corporate website. I encourage all concerned citizens to do the same.

I just saw your tree ecoimagination advertisement on the TV. In the commercial you imply that the tree is happy with a home with accessories designed by GE because those products reduce green house gas emissions. In reality the tree should be hugging an oil refinery or gas guzzling SUV because as we all learned in 6th grade science; plants feed on carbon dioxide. These lies will not be tolerated. In reality GE is causing deforestation by denying all plant life the precious C02 emissions that they feed upon.

I am not so worried about myself being tricked by your blatant falsehood, but the children who watch your commercials. Perhaps one day just as cigarette ads are banned from television so to will be General Electric's propaganda. I shall not rest until the truth is widely disseminated about your company's diabolic machinations to starve the most noble of Earth's chlorophyllic creatures.

If your board of directors and advertising department have even one collective soul remaining, I urge them to retract this ad and set the record straight. Our forests, our flowers, and our crops depend upon the very lifeblood you so eagerly destroy. Until this situation is resolved to the satisfaction of all sane, plant loving people I will not rest. This tyranny must end.

Sincerely,

_____________________

Is Warren Harding Reincarnated?

2007-11-06T14:07:00.000-06:00

He writes the worst English that I have ever encountered. It reminds me of a string of wet sponges; it reminds me of tattered washing on the line; it reminds me of stale bean soup, of college yells, of dogs barking idiotically through endless nights. It is so bad that a sort of grandeur creeps into it. It drags itself out of the dark abysm of pish, and crawls insanely up the topmost pinnacle of posh. It is rumble and bumble. It is flap and doodle. It is balder and dash. --H. L. Mencken

This was written about President Harding back in the 1920s. If you mutate the quaint 1920s vocab into modern speech, it sounds very similar to things that have been said about George W. Bush.

Upon Harding's death, poet E. E. Cummings said "The only man, woman or child who wrote a simple declarative sentence with seven grammatical errors is dead."

Maybe the poets of tomorrow will have something equally scathing to write about President Bush. I think it gives us a reality check about politics and life. For insane liberal Pavlovians, Bush is not some unique phenomenon. It isn't the end of the world, we've been here before. For Republican Bushbots, well at least there's a chance someone else was worse at speaking than Bush. And for true conservatives, let's all laugh at the Chicken Littles.

Barton Solvents Fire in Des Moines

2007-10-30T11:26:00.000-05:00

So there was a nice homecoming for me when I was driving back from Marshalltown. I could see the smoke plume from 30-35 miles away. This chemical warehouse is about 2 miles from my house. Luckily the wind was blowing away from where I live. The fire started at around 1:30pm and burned until around midnight. I-80 was shut down through Des Moines as approximately 12 different chemical compounds burned and particulate drifted across the road. Luckily no one was seriously injured.

My Thoughts On Anti-America

2007-10-29T17:12:00.000-05:00

If we are going to choose sides, why not go with the incumbent. We already have Pepsi. If you want Crystal Clear Pepsi then join the causes of the Left. It starts off popular and all the cool kids drink it. But then, its on sale for 10 cents a 2-liter and you can't even give it away at the soup kitchen that the typical white male liberal frequents after he gets off work as a part time Jizz mopper at the Glory Hole. Just like Crystal Clear 2-liters, Leftist philosophy's only use is as ballast on a schooner full of whale dicks.

John Stossel on Title IX

2006-07-01T12:40:00.000-05:00

A piece from my 1950s-1990s religious literature collection.

2006-06-13T16:04:00.000-05:00

Rock Songs

2006-05-20T01:51:00.000-05:00

Under a rock the old man plays his fiddle
But who can hear his melody
only the few that venture beneathe
For the notes are met by stone

Play one about a cherry blossom, they ask
His song remains the same
Or one about love, they plead
His song remains the same
And he plays not for them

The mountain water that gathers above
falls to pool at his feet
His bow caresses the strings
Tempting out that familiar tune

Play one about a kite soaring high, they ask
His song remains the same
Or one about purity, they plead
His song remains the same
And he plays not for them

A quail bobs its head and chirps
an eruption of laughter at the creature
Not seen as a songbird
it drinks from the pool

Teach the quail to sing, they ask
His song remains the same
Or have it teach you to fiddle, they plead
His song remains the same
And he plays not for them

The others leave the rock
on about their way
The bird begins its song
and the old man stops

Sing one about the rising sun, he asks
Its song remains the same
Or one about new beginnings, he pleads
Its song remains the same
And it plays not for him

The old man sits with his fiddle
laid across his lap
Content with the quail's song
Until he finds a new rock

The Other

2006-05-20T01:46:00.000-05:00

He laid in bed thinking of his brunette. She stirred in his bed. Her hand smacked against his face. He grabbed it and put it back to her side.
"What?" she asked. Smelling the air as she woke up.
"Nothing. You just..."
"Did I talk in my sleep?" She rubbed her eyes.
"No, your hand accidentally hit my face."
"Oh." She giggled. "I'm sorry."
She kissed him on his cheek. The kiss lasted but an instant. He knew.
"Do we have to get up yet?" She continued stretching, this time concentrating on her legs.
"Not yet. But Soon."
"Oh. I don't ever want to get up." She put her arms around him and nuzzled her face into his chest.
"It's not always that simple."
The room was still and he was tired.
"Isn't it great when you can sit and not have to say anything?" She opened her eyes and looked up at him.
"Yeah."
"Don't you think?"
He pushed her golden hair of out his face
"I think...I think...I think we need to talk."

Bonding

2006-05-20T01:44:00.000-05:00

I hate writing this poem, each and every line
It’s not what I mean to say
Writing is a terrible way
To show my deepest thought
All this prose gone for naught
You have ears. My desires are heard

I hate singing this song, each and every note
Listening to the music reverb
There is no message served
By the strumming of guitar
Minds are near but hearts afar
You have eyes. My desires are seen

I hate dancing this dance, each and every step.
Body moving to a beat
Only hints at primal heat
No truth is told but lust
Gyrations reveal no trust
You have skin. My desires are felt.

I hate touching this flesh, each and every inch.
Quivering from my fingers
Nothing of substance lingers
Just a release of pleasure
Truly a foolish treasure
You have blood. My desires are cut.

I hate stabbing this body, each and every wound
Turning pale from the loss
Christ without the cross
Weak and feeling pained
Cold and nothing gained
You have life. My desires are dead

I love pouring the gasoline, each and every drop
Heart and soul in sync
Forming a timeless link
Rendering flesh and bone
Name etched upon stone
Paid extra for the kink.

The lily weeps

2006-05-20T01:42:00.000-05:00

A boar crashes down the mountain

thunder flows across the field of ivory

veiled eyes piercing through the mist.

The lily weeps but none hear

filling the pond with its pain.

Night brings answers from the dead

that become poison for the living

and last refuge for the shallow.

A whisper from the suffering

screams from the water

crying out to the summit.

The lily weeps but none care

its cries waking only rocks.

Granite to break its fall

lightning caresses the boar's tusk.

revealing a path but few can see.

The lily weeps and the boar listens

with the rising sun the bloom folds.

Darkness begins its journey home

shadows sulk in the twilight

loathing, hating, waiting to feed.

The lily floats from the boar's mouth

gliding along tendrils of the shrouded abyss

an empty embrace before a hidden face.

The lily weeps but is ignored

blackness has no heart.

The boar lingers in the distance

but slowly drowns

to rest at last upon soft ground.

Darkness fades, caring only for its return

the lily is discarded.

sinking to its final rest

on the cold snout of the boar.

The lily weeps, lost in a sea of tears

deep in a body of sorrow

with no one left to hear.

The Nature of Politics

2006-05-15T01:44:00.000-05:00

Gliding to rest upon his throne
the king sips from his perfumed goblet
Peasants dart about in white silk
waiting for their lord to rise
With its sharp weapons
the beast lurks above the palace
One keen eye rests upon the king
head cocked to the side in wait
The assassins' scissored blade rasps
but none below can hear
The king rises from his place
orange and black robes flowing
The beast lowers its' body to the ledge
in that moment before the strike
Throwing itself downward
blade opened as the king ascends
into the azure room
The blade catches the king by his robe
tearing the silks from his body
The king spirals to the ground
laying on the green floor
one side exposed
The peasants rush to take their ruler's throne
Discarded pieces of his robes float to rest next to his lifeless form
The king's assassin having a distaste for their color

Johnny Millennium

2006-05-13T22:38:00.000-05:00

What time have I spent in this web of names? The internet is a place of solitude. When no one understands the true source of all the darkness that consumes our human interactions, it is then that we cease to be a society. What is left after we forget all the things that brought us to where we are today? Not people, but animals. The very thing that defines our species is what the internet destroys, personal social interaction.

Life is a cascade of interpersonal actions and reactions. Without it we lose our identity as beings. The biggest joke played on us was our innate desire to be free while at the same time dependence on a social matrix to define our "self". The breeze opens the door to your secluded computer room where you skulk in the murk. Do you look to the sound with anticipation that someone has come to see that you're still alive? Chances are you just scowl in annoyance that nature would fucking dare to disturb your important role in this web of lies. Of course that would be preferrable, there is nothing left in the non-online world except feelings.

Johnny Millennium. He is so enlightened and in the advanced stages of webrosy that it isn't even called "real life" anymore. He learned several months ago when he was chided by an internet regular he associates with for using that outdated term. Now he calls those existing outside of the net "normies", or "analogs". He also doesn't refer to anyone online as "friends", because that indicates an emotional investment, a remnant of a primative analog mind.

The worst days of his life are those when he has to rise from the chair/bed/toilet/workspace to get sustenance for his horribly outdated body. He spends days arguing online with technology experts about why software and operating systems lag so far behind the hardware. Why haven't medical experts found out a way for us to jack into computers and get all our nourishment that way? It is all so very inefficient. Medical science has been slowing down in its progress however. A large part of this is due to the fact that most medical treatment and research is done through internet interactions. The sacrifice of medical advancement is worth not having to feel another human, their taint is already strong enough for the other senses.

Johnny Millennium stands from the chair and he grimmaces not only because his joints throb with the large burden placed upon them, but from glimpses of a naive past. He shuffles across the living room, past the replica of King Solomons sword laying on the floor. A battallion of ants marches across its luster feeding off of the Papa John's butter garlic sauce spilled across the hilt. Johnny turns the corner to the kitchen mashing the week old pepperoncini into the carpet with his soccer cleats. He opens the fridge, seeing no food he grabs a can of Mountain Dew. Taking a drink, some spills onto his chest. The black paint on his paper mache breastplate runs across the red pentagram.

"Fuck, I just painted this." Johnny wipes the remaining moisture from his creation and frowns as he is left with paint on his hands. Drinking with one hand he wipes the wall with his other leaving a dark streak as he walks to the bathroom. He opens the flap to his paperclip chainmail pants. Looking down he imagines what his member must look like as he pushes it inside his body and releases letting it pop out again. A few years ago he would have been excited through this touching, but the imagination is gone, replaced by disappointment. Now it's just a fleshy jack in the box with a utilitarian function.

Finished with the job he closes the urine rusted paperclip flap in the armor and walks to the coat closet. He reaches inside to grab his favorite kabuki mask and puts it on.

Johnny looks down to his cat, "It's time to go to the store." As usual the cat remains still. "Silly kitty, why don't you grow more fur?" He reaches down to pet the cat and a clump of fur sticks to his Mountain Dew soaked hands. He giggles softly and shakes the fur free. Looking over to the opposite corner he sees the My Buddy doll and hops over to it happily, his cleats leaving divets in the carpet. Johnny grabs the doll and hugs it as he turns to the door. He opens the door leading into the hallway from his law office and steps outside with My Buddy under arm to find some grub.

All you can't eat

2006-05-13T22:34:00.000-05:00

Buffet restaurant draws the line
Family banned for leaving too much food on plates at all-you-can-eat joint

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/12683893/

I've been to that restaurant many times. She probably deserved it. The cheap chinese buffets in town are the weekend field trip for our city's welfare mothers. It says her boyfriend and her two children were there. Let me paint the picture. One of the kids is a halfbreed latino/white girl already with more piercings than her lord and savior Jesus Christ had on the cross. The other one is a latino/white boy that smells like axle grease and knows what 9mm meant before he could use a potty. Her pale white boyfriend is a tweaker who works at the John Deere factory, or at least that's where he tells her he gets those anhydrous ammonia tanks. They walk in and let the kids run around, after getting them a plate of food. The food sits there while the kids yell at the top of their lungs.

The mother eats and make halfassed gestures to appear like she actually has authority over her children. "Shh Sambo be quiet!" Her shouting actually being more disruptive than the kids. The boyfriend twitches sheepishly, staying out of the affair. Both of the kids come up to me as I sit at my table eating my setay chicken.

They ask, "Can we have some of that?"

I look down at the kids and smile, "No, but im sure you can get some from the buffet. If you're quiet and go sit down with your mom maybe she will get you some." The kids then run off to their table.

Their fixed income whale of a mother rises from her booth with a herculean triumph of physical will. "Storms" over to me as only a wildabeest could. Her gargantuan jowels opened and she let the verbal wasabi fly. "Don't you tell my kids what to do motherfucker. They're good kids... I'm trying to enjoy dinner. Mind your own goddamn business."

Other ramblings fell from her wordhole as I sat there, breaking my crab leg in half, noisily sucking out the meat and juices as she insulted me, her voice getting louder.

"You fat *crunch* fuck *slurrrrrrrrrrp*. "
"I bet you *crack* don't *snap* have kids, or a *slurrrrrrrrrp* girlfriend."

At this point I'm finished with my crab. I look up at her, she has stopped her drivel. I hold out my plate. "I'm done. Since you're quite the crab today could you get me some more?"

No curious reader, I am not that witty. For you see during all that time of eating I was ignoring her and thinking of a comment to give. She then tried to push the plate up and tip it on me, but her crisco like grip allowed me to simply let go of it and have it fall at her feet.

"Oh dear" I said. She scowled and stomped off to find her kids who were so used to this kind of display from their mother that they were off by themselves playing with the ice cream machine. The entire restaurant was staring at the two of us. The waitress comes over with the ticket, places it on the table and bows in front of me.

"Zhank zu. Zhank zu" She keeps repeating this, and bowing uncontrollably. "Zhank zu, Zhank zu."

I pick up the dropped plate and put it on the table and turn to my other small plate with an eggroll on it and some hot mustard. "I am going to finish this. Can't waste food", and crack a smile with my large mouth and crazy roun' eyes. She shuffles off to talk to the mother who is busy pulling her kids by their shirts and hair over to the table, only to have them run off again. With a dismissive hand gesture from the beast the waitress moves on about her business.

My eyes met briefly with the mother as we both scowled, but not at each other, towards the waitress. It was at this point we realized what brings America together. Our hatred of minority groups. As I bit into that eggroll it somehow tasted like it had been wrapped for Mao himself. I smiled and so did she as her kids spilled egg drop soup across the carpet walking from the buffet.